It Gets Better... (sorta)

I haven’t cut for about three months.
I can honestly say that I never will again.
My cutting isn’t in my past though, I have to deal with all of those feelings everyday when I look at my body. In 12 days i’m paying over 600$ to start work on a sleeve that will cover my scars from my suicide attempt. I’m so excited to have my arm back. My left arm has become a piece of embarrassment to me and if I ever wear short sleeves I always have it hidden behind my back.
I wish I knew that I was going to get better. I wish I had thought about what it would be like wearing signs all over my body that scream “I WANTED TO DIE.”
If you are self harming in any way I urge you to try and get some help and open up about it to the people who love you.
I am happy, but I will always fantasize about having a body that’s not riddled with scars from knife wounds, scissors and stitches.  
If anyone ever wants someone to talk to, I will always be there for you. My ask box is always open and feel free to go on anon.